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Nerds, Anoraks, and Bar-Room Bores
The lady assured me that her dog would not bite me. Before me stood one of the most pugnaciously ugly Boxers that I have ever had the misfortune to meet, and its face was inches from mine as I lowered myself onto the settee. It was barking gruffly and I could see why savaging was out of the question, instead of teeth there were shattered, blackened, stumps. But the breath! - oh, the breath! Every time the mutt gave me another attack of aggressive halitosis I had the almost uncontrollable urge to retch. Its owner didn't seem to have noticed that her pampered pet was death-breath on legs.
Similarly, malodorous people seem totally unaware that even flies are repelled by them. In an attempt to introduce new and exciting flavours of incense I once chanced upon a brand labelled 'Lily'. Instead of conjuring up the scent of exotic flowers, it reminded me of Lily who was told to sit next to me when I was in the infant class, probably as a punishment for my persistent naughtiness. She put me off girls for years.
The summer now passing has attracted scores of people to our two churches for weddings and baptisms. They stood outside, afraid to go in until the very last minute, and sometimes later. This might be because they perceived church-people to be boring. We, like the owner of that dog or the man whose T-shirt smells like a municipal tip, don't notice. Are we boring? Are we nerds and anoraks and one-subject conversationalists?
Reading Parish Magazines, which our congregation kindly bring back from their wanderings, makes me think that some of our number are. If the sermons of a few of my brethren are as narcoleptic as their Vicars' letters I conclude that the listeners must lose the will to live after the first, interminable, ten minutes. Following Jesus Christ is exciting, it is fun, it is lively, it is life enhancing. Why do some people have the urge to give the impression that it is dull and dreary?
Here it is not. We have had some good laughs at weddings and some even bigger ones at baptisms. This may have shocked those who hadn't noticed that the church has changed. But we have.
May God bless you all, Fr Allan
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