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Anything for a Quiet Life
It was the eve of the Queen’s official birthday. She was, I recall considerably younger than she is today. As befits such an occasion, we were to parade, the next day, with bayonets fixed, and flags flying. Rather foolishly, I thought, our officers and gentlemen decided to have an all ranks’ dance the night before the big day. It had not occurred to them that the men would outnumber the women by at least twenty-five to one so that the chance of a dance was negligible and squaddies would do what squaddies do on such occasions, drink to excess and think of home. I decided that milling around with a crowd of increasingly intoxicated members of Her Majesty’s Forces was not my idea of a fun night out and thoughtfully agreed to swop with a friend who should have been on guard duty.
Unfortunately, the Company Sergeant Major had other ideas. He breezed into the guard-room and ordered all those who were not actually standing guard to go at once to the dance and serve behind the bar. This was an unmitigated disaster. As we had no idea of what price the drinks were to be sold at we just accepted anything that the grateful customers offered us. By the time that I stood down at midnight the dance had turned into a bacchanalian riot.
The parade, the next morning, was a total shambles. If there had been a band they were too drunk to play so we made do with a record player booming ineffectually from the sergeants’ mess window. Only those who had been on guard duty were completely sober but the inspecting officer was too ill to notice.
I feel the same at this time of the year. I cannot stand wild Christmas parties, pubs full of seasonal drinkers putting ale down their necks for no apparent reason, all the pretend bonhomie, and the false show of goodwill to all men. Then, suddenly, it is Epiphany. Ah bliss. If it were in my power I would go away at Christmass and pitch a tent on some remote island, drink soup from a mess tin, and read a good book. But I would be back for the Epiphany of Our Lord. This wonderful feast is so quiet, observed only by the faithful, and it adds so much to the meaning of the Incarnation of Our Lord.
May God bless you all, Fr. Allan
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