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Don't think that you can get away with it
It was common knowledge that the adjutant's wife was a model. This should have been a source of considerable pride to the gentleman, except that she modelled foundation garments and could be viewed, alluringly dressed in her underwear, on hoardings by the side of the escalators on the London underground. He exacted revenge on we common soldiery for smirking at his humiliation every time we went to town by holding adjutant's drill parades on a Saturday morning, thus ruining our weekend and keeping us out of the Metropolis.
Not that he ever did anything but walk up and down and look superior. All the spitting and shouting was done by the Regimental Sergeant Major, whose gimlet eye could spot the slightest mistake from a hundred paces. Therein lay my weakness. Although I am intelligent and well-educated, I have the unfortunate inability to differentiate between left and right. Drill for me was a nightmare. It was thus with abject horror that I realised that I had presented arms left-handed. I was standing my ground and hoping for the best when I observed the RSM advancing upon me, waving his pace stick menacingly, and exhibiting all the symptoms of apoplexy. I was considerably relieved when he pushed past me, angrily, and his wrath fell upon Paddy in the next rank, who had done the same thing as I but had, foolishly, tried to rectify his mistake. The moral of the story is this; in case of error, just pretend that you're not there, nobody will notice.
Or will they? If you failed to turn up for worship during Holy Week and Easter Week do you think that you were not missed? If you went shopping on Good Friday instead of being in church, did you think that your absence went unmarked? Of course it didn't. And in May, the month of Ascension Day, we usually note with despair the missing multitude at the glorious festival. Gone are the days when the school assembled at church on that Thursday and were rewarded by a half holiday, but it is still a time of vital importance and worthy to be celebrated as such. Jesus Christ is risen, ascended, glorified. Don't be found wanting, like the unfortunate in the rank behind, be there on Ascension Day, be seen to be there!
May God bless you all, Fr. Allan
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